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  • LeonD 5:43 pm on April 21, 2011 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: , caught, , funny, liar. lying, lie,   

    980 – Caught Lying Red-Handed 

    Everybody lies.

    Some people tell bigger lies than others, some tell lots of small pointless lies and some rare individuals actually make a living out of it.
    Lying can actually be healthy. I can build relationships (For example: “I love you” or “You’re the best sex I’ve ever had” – the two most common lies in the world :P) and a little white lie can get you out of trouble. Things become extremely awkward for you when people start probing your poorly constructed bullsh*t and your house of cards comes crashing down.

    Some people never admit that they’re lying despite the insurmountable damning evidence. They’d rather keep up a lie and in fact lie even more than admit that they are being deceitful. The motto is “Deny! Deny! Deny. It doesn’t matter how obvious it is that I’m telling a lie, I’ll still deny“. (More …)

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    • eM 6:55 am on May 8, 2011 Permalink | Reply

      Who lies the most?? I will go with women simply because they talk more. But whose lies are the worst? Men, of course. When they lie, they LIE.

      But yes, getting caught in THAT moment is awkward. No lie there.

      • LeonD 4:25 pm on May 16, 2011 Permalink | Reply

        I think that’s exactly the other way round. Men tell more lies (No honey, that dress doesn’t make you look fat”, “Of course I care about our anniversary”.

        But when women lie, it’s often a massive, well orchestrated one. Did you know that as high as 1 in 4 men in the modern world today is UNKNOWINGLY raising a child that’s not his? How much bigger can a lie get than that?

    • clggymcclaggy 7:35 pm on July 23, 2011 Permalink | Reply

      yeah i always get caught even though i denie it when there is evidence i did it

  • LeonD 9:59 pm on March 21, 2011 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: , , funny, public,   

    987 – The Unwanted Boner, At Exactly The Wrong Moment 

    A lot’s got to be said about the benefits of being a man. We don’t have to bare children (thank God), we pee wherever we want and we don’t really get judged for the number of people we sleep with. It’s hard to deny that our awkward anatomy does give us certain advantages.

    Now if only it would learn to stay down when you tell it to.

    It happens to the best of us. Sometimes you can feel it coming and you know you have plenty of time before you need to stand up. It’s those rare moments when you find yourself fighting a bulge in your pants, at exactly the moment you need to stand up and leave, that things get stiff.

    Maybe you’re on the train, minding your own own business reading a newspaper. You’re skimming through the pages, looking at a few stories as you go along, when you come across that one picture. You don’t know why or how, but this one picture stirs up instinctual desire in you and you suddenly find yourself flashing back into one of your old sexual memories. (More …)

     
  • LeonD 6:58 pm on March 16, 2011 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: , , , , funny, , shame   

    988 – The Walk Of Shame 

    There is no phrase more appropriate for the walk of shame, than “The Walk Of Shame“. It’s exactly what it says on the tin. You’re walking home, and you feel a little ashamed…perfect.

    Every Sunday morning, make it a point to sit on your balcony (between the hours of 6am & 10am) and count how many shamed walkers go past, you’ll be surprised how many of them there are (people are getting laid out there, don’t be left behind, go have some fun of your own ;-)). They’re very easy to spot too,  just look for anyone that’s dressed up far too nicely for a Sunday morning, or inappropriately for the weather.

    The women are usually the easiest to spot, they “clip clop” down the street, their heads hanging so low their messed up hair covers their faces. Shame oozes out of them. The men on the other hand, strut. It’s like they want the world to know they just got some. You can tell that they’re just hoping for someone to ask “Where are you coming from?“, to which the answer will probably be something along the lines of THIS. (More …)

     
  • LeonD 10:25 pm on March 8, 2011 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: embarrassing, , , funny, humiliating   

    990 – Tripping Up In Front Of Strangers (The Scatter Trip) 

    Nothing ruins a stranger’s façade of dignity & grace likencrashing & burning in public. It’s awkward. Sure. But the worst fall to experience is, without a doubt, the Scatter-Trip

    You were probably in a hurry. Your bag was wide open, maybe you were searching for something. Your phone is wedged between your ear & shoulder and you probably had too many things in your hands. Why didn’t you stop walking to concentrate on what you were doing?
    But it’s at that very moment that you hit something. Maybe it a crooked tile on the pavement. You miss a step. Suddenly you find yourself fall face first onto the pavement. You try to compensate, but it’s too late, you come splashing down.
    Your phone hits the ground and dismantles itself (damn cheap phone!), the coins in your pockets scatter and your bag’s contents scatter themselves all over the street. Now you have to try and pick yourself up with as much dignity as you can master. You look up and everyone’s staring. Some jerk is laughing…there’s always the jerk who laughs. (More …)

     
    • fevryone 12:16 am on February 13, 2012 Permalink | Reply

      The only thing that can make this even worse is if the things you scatter are very personal; like a brief case of porn mags & dildos >.>

  • LeonD 10:27 am on March 2, 2011 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: , , , funny,   

    992 – Walking Into The Wrong Toilets 

    Creativity is great, We all love creative ideas, but sometimes certain situations call for simplicity and messing with things is bound to create awkward situations for everybody.
    Case in point; toilet signs that are just too damn clever for their own good.

    There should be a law against confusing public toilet signs, especially in places that serve alcohol. Sometimes when nature calls, she screams at the top of her lungs and you’re just too in a rush to stop and evaluate the damn signs. (More …)

     
  • LeonD 10:29 pm on February 22, 2011 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: , , , funny, ,   

    993 – Walking In The Same Direction, After Saying Goodbye 

    This is a funny one.

    You know how sometimes, maybe at the end of a date or a drink with a new friend, you get outside ready to part ways and you’ve both mention other prior engagements you have to get to. You might be having a fantastic time together, so you both unconsciously decide to spent 5 more minutes together, to get closure from your interesting conversation

    Ten minutes pass and you finally feel comfortable with the idea of parting ways. It feels right, the conversation is done and you you’ve both run out of stuff to talk about. You say your final goodbyes, you tell each other how much fun you both had and share a hug. (More …)

     
    • chelseagracec 1:28 am on February 23, 2011 Permalink | Reply

      I particularly enjoy when you’re so desperate to stop the awkward extended goodbye that you deviate, going out of your way to not be going the same direction. Then you can stare off like you can’t see them anymore for a few minutes until something opaque takes pity on you and blocks you off from them.

    • leondelafonte 1:51 am on February 23, 2011 Permalink | Reply

      LOL! Maybe I’m a glutton for punishment. Next time I’m doing a complete 180. “Oops you know what, I’m actually going THAT way” 😛

  • LeonD 7:56 pm on February 18, 2011 Permalink | Reply
    Tags: , , funny, , joke, quirky,   

    995 – The Elevator Fart Just Before Somebody Walks In 

    We all fart, let’s not pretend we don’t.

    Some of us, just have the common courtesy to only break wind when we’re alone. The problem is that people who let it loose in private are the ones that turn the brightest shade of “embarrassed” when they’re caught out.

    The elevator is not the most ideal spot to let a silent fart out, but sometimes you just can’t hold that baby in. Sometimes you’ll walk into one of those big corporate office buildings where you rarely ever find more than two people sharing an elevator. You might even work in one of those lovely buildings.

    On your ride up you suddenly feel an air bubble coming down (damn g-force). This is the point when the little green monster that lives in your head that I like to call, the fart devil, starts whispering dirty little thoughts into your head “Screw it, nobody’s around. Go ahead, let it loose. Nobody’s going to walk in here, you’ve never had to share this elevator before, what are the chances now?”. (More …)

     
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