985 – Being Alone In A Crowded Bar

Do you know that scene in the movies where the attractive leading man sits alone in a bar drinking scotch and he meets an equally attractive woman that also happens to be alone?

Yeah that doesn’t happen in real life.

Not to Average Joes like you and I. The best we get is the slightly overweight, middle-aged single mom that’s enjoying her first “night out” with her girlfriends since she had her baby (she will very likely tell you all this herself by the way…in excruciating detail). In reality, nobody ever speaks to the guy in the bar by himself. Do you? That’s why being alone in a crowded bar sucks.

How do you end up in a crowded bar (or club) by yourself anyway? Most people don’t have the cajones to go clubbing solo, it too daunting. Certain people (pick-up artists for example) are completely comfortable talking to complete strangers in situations like this. For the rest of us, ending up alone in a bar is a result of poor planning & judgement. It’s an excruciatingly awkward experience that you will rarely repeat.

Either your friends are running late, they all hooked up with people and left you alone, or you are new to the city and you’re out chasing tail. You get to the venue and like most normal people you make a B-line for the bar. This is your attempt to blend in, nothing says “I’m normal, I’m at a bar doing normal stuff” like standing around buying beer. The bar is safe, it’s inconspicuous nobody will notice that you’re alone if you look like you’re buying liquor.

You hover at the bar area watching everyone else get served. You know that NOW is probably the best time to start talking to people and making new friends. The bar is the best place for chit-chat, but “Damn“, you’re still sober, talking to strangers is a lot harder when you’re not tipsy isn’t it. Eventually you buy your drink. This is a crowded club, you can’t hide in the bar area forever and you’re eventually pushed out. Here’s where you start to feel like the most awkward person in the room.

Nobody’s talked to you, you haven’t spoken to anyone. You don’t even know what to say to make new friends. So what do you do? You start walking around. You don’t want to be seem standing up against the wall doing nothing all night do you? So you start walking around.

Five minutes later you realise how small this place really is, you’ve walked it all. Now what do you do? You still feel awkward, you haven’t spoken to anyone and now everyone in the place has seen you walking around, without speaking a word to anybody.

What now? You draw a blank. Your drink’s half way finished and you’re still standing in the middle of the room with nobody to talk to. Everyone else seems deeply engrossed in their own group conversations and here you are feeling like a nerdy high school kid. In desperation you pull out your last saving grace…your phone (got bless you Alexander. Many an awkward moment have been averted thanks to your invention).

You start texting anyone that you know will reply to you. You start hounding your friends to hurry up and maybe even decide to text the ex just for some sense of companionship. When all that fails you resort to the most desperate trick of awkward moment aversion, pretend texting. You might as well go home at this point really, this is truly sad and deep down you know it.

Just go home.

For the few of you that do manage to meet an attractive stranger in a bar…well lucky you, maybe you should consider making a romantic comedy out of it. 😉

Being alone in a bar…AWKWARD!!