986 – Your First Sexual Experience, Losing Your Virginity

Losing your virginity is probably the most awkward sexual experience, you will ever have. Why? Because sex is awkward.

It’s uncoordinated, limbs are all over the place and you always find yourself working muscles that you’d normally never care about. Most adults eventually get the hang of it, some become great at it, but before that…well, let’s just say I wish there was a simple “How To” guide.

For all you virgins out there, eagerly waiting for the day you finally pop their cherry, here’s a short lesson in avoiding the most awkward situations of first time sex and how to live through them sexually disappoint your girlfriend another day. Here are the 5 most awkward facts about your first sexual experience (that my dad never told me):

1: If you are both virgins it’s going be to very awkward: that’s pretty much set in stoned. One virgin is bad enough, but at least with someone more experienced in the room, te learning process is easier. Two virgins are like the blind leading the blind, it’s going to get extremely uncomfortable and confusing. Accept it. Try to take your time, remember slow & steady wins the girl. Leave the jack-hammer moves to the porn stars.

2: You will miss the target: gentlemen how can you possibly expect to know exactly where things go, when you’ve never done this before (most girls don’t like it when you start knocking on the back door). Try to look at what you’re doing, you don’t want to fly in blind.

3: You will not be a God or Goddess in bed: it’s pretty much set in stone that all virgins are awful in bed. Seriously…just awful. You will not know what you’re doing, you will fumble, trip & most likely knee your partner in the groin. Accept it, you’ll get better at it, I promise. 🙂

4: Gentlemen, you will be quick on the draw: after spending years of your teenage life fantasising about this situation, who can blame you if you can’t hold yourself back? So go ahead and enjoy it, pull the trigger early, she’s not going anywhere.

5: The moment after your first time will be awkward: one thing the movies never get right it how awkward the moments AFTER first time sex are. After your 30 seconds of fun you are now stuck in a roof with this person feeling disappointment, a little regret and maybe even pride…but mostly disappointment and regret. :p

The 1st time you have sex…AWKWARD!!!

Advertisements